Today's Horoscope

With Venus exiting your chart and Uranus about to enter a new phase, it is important to ask: What the hell is wrong with you? Seriously. Take your head out of your anus and go and apologise. It was your fault and you did create that error that caused so many people awkward discomfort. It is time to face facts; it was all you. Nobody should act that way at the office. You did it, now own it. Damn what does it take to get through to you? Plus you should perhaps reconsider what you said last night, it hurt her feelings and for what purpose? Did you get pleasure out of making her that uncomfortable? Here's a tip - most women are not into threesomes and buddy, face it, you're lucky you could get just one woman to sleep with you. Keep this up and it'll be a lifetime of onesomes for you. How about some flowers? The good kind - not those crap carnations you keep getting from that creepy guy on the corner who screams "Impeach Jesus!" all the time. Well, that's about it for today. Try not to screw this day up but it is your life. One last thing: Call your mother. Oh and don't take public transit.